It’s the time of year that many of us take a closer look at our lives and decide on changes we want to make, then phrase them in the form of a resolution or goal.
I prefer goals over resolutions, but I won’t quibble over the difference other than to say, resolutions tend to be stated in general terms like, “I’m going to get in shape” or “I’m going to save money” whereas goals, good goals at least are specific and measurable. Like, “I’m going to lose 10 pounds by March 1.” Or, “I will save one thousand dollars by June 30.” These are measurable and once you put action steps in place you can begin to see progress.
Whether you make resolutions or set goals, is not my main point, but to look at why our resolutions or goals don’t materialize. Ultimately leaving us with the the reality that our life hasn’t really changed and it looks no different this year than it did last year. Then we throw up our hands in frustration and say, “What’s the point?”
There are countless reasons why we don’t follow through, fall short or give up too soon. Here are just three…
We Never Start
This may not seem like a legitimate place to begin, but I think this happens all the time. We talk about a new year, a new page, a new opportunity but we never actually stop long enough to think through what we want and the changes we want to make, or how we’re going to achieve them.
It’s not a goal until you write it down in clear, concise language, with specific timelines and action steps.
We Go It Alone
If you think about it, there is very little that we accomplish of any consequence in isolation. We just don’t. Any success that you have enjoyed in your life has been buoyed by others in it.
I’ve heard it said, that if you want to achieve a big goal, tell the world about it…this will provide the accountability you need to follow through. What this means I think is if you tell enough people, which basically means posting it all over the internet, then you will be motivated to follow through, lest you be publicly humiliated should you fail.
Ummm. That’s not what I’m talking about. In fact, I recently heard Darren Hardy say that the people that accomplish much in their lives, don’t want an audience or accolades or a pat on the back…they want quiet so they can focus.
So I’m not suggesting you blab all over Facebook about your 2020 BHAG (big hairy audacious goal). Hey, I don’t think I’ve ever used the word “blab” before, in any of my writing. But I digress. What I am suggesting is that your ability to accomplish new goals will be greatly improved if someone is with you.
In 2018, my daughter Megan gave me a Fathers Day present…she registered us for a half marathon for October of that year…a week before her wedding. I was a little surprised, and joked that we might be limping down the isle instead of gracefully walking, but the challenge was there.
We researched training plans and adopted one we could commit to. We usually ran together 3-4 times a week but if our schedules clashed and had to run solo we would check in to ensure we had. We managed our diets together and how much water we were drinking and enjoyed the father/daughter experience along the way.
We ran the race and actually beat our time goal by about 5 seconds and I never would have done it without Megan. Setting that goal, supporting each other along the way and pushing each other when we didn’t want to do it made all the difference.
- We set a specific goal
- We put a plan together
- We pushed and leaned on each other
- We reached our goal
- We shared an experience that grew our relationship and created lasting memories.
And six days later I did walk her down the isle without a noticeable limp.
Your Goals Aren’t Compelling
I think this may be one of the biggest reasons why goals fail. They just don’t matter that much or they’re not big enough; they’re just not motivating enough to stick with.
Imagine going to a movie where the plot involves a guy down on his luck, out of work and out of desperation puts a plan in place to rob a bank. He even gets a few friends involved (so he’s not going it alone) to help make it happen. Imagine after all their planning and scheming they ultimately pull it off and get away with the loot. Then the guy with the plan goes and buys a new car…his dream car…a Ferrari.
The end.
Would you want to watch that movie? Would that leave you satisfied? Probably not. You’d want your $20 back wouldn’t you? Why? Because no one cares if you want to buy a new car. Okay sure if you bought a new car and posted it on social media, you might get a few likes or even some words of congratulations.
So what. No one cares. It’s not a compelling story. In fact, FYI, in six months it will just be another car anyway and you’ll be bored…just like you would be if you watched that movie. Okay, maybe not a Ferrari, but just about any car you or I would drive.
Maybe we should be asking the question, “Is my life a compelling story that others would want to watch?”
At my church this past weekend we looked at the story of Peter when he “stepped out of the boat” to walk on the water to meet Jesus. The application was that stepping out of the boat took faith, it took him out of his comfort zone and into something way bigger than himself.
Whether you’re a person of faith or not, I think we can all agree that setting out to do something that makes us uncomfortable, that potentially impacts others in a positive way and is bigger than ourselves is way more compelling than, I want to buy a new car.
Want 2020 to be different or better than last year? Then choose to do something that matters…not just to you but to somebody else. Make a difference.
Q. What is one thing you know you want to accomplish this year? What’s holding you back?
Feeling stuck? Not sure what to do next? Your life not where you want it to be? Life coaching can help. Contact me for a free 45-minute discovery call. Let’s talk.
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