As we continue to navigate these unchartered waters of COVID-19, we can all do our part to minimize the spread of this virus by following certain protocols. One way to help is by practicing “social distancing”.
Social distancing includes a number of practices meant to minimize contact with other individuals, especially should you have to be out in public.
- keeping a distance of at least 1 metre
- avoiding anyone who is sneezing or coughing
- sneezing or coughing into your elbow and sleeve
- avoiding contact of any kind including shaking hands, hugging and kissing.
You and I can do our part to minimize the spread of the coronavirus by following these simple guidelines.
But there is one place where following social distancing can have devastating affects.
John Trent & Gary Smalley wrote a great book many years ago called, “The Blessing” and in it they describe what the blessing is, how parents can pass it on to their children and the negative impacts of not receiving the blessing from our parents.
The blessing is something that every parent can pass on to their child. It’s some thing our children need from their parents and when children don’t receive it, it can have long lasting implications well into adulthood.
The blessing is a way of communicating to children that they are loved, valued, and have worth. It provides a sense of security and enhances their confidence as they grow and eventually move out into the world.
The blessing according to Smalley & Trent includes things like physical touch…hugging, kissing, sitting in close proximity even wrestling are all meaningful ways to say, “I love you and you matter to me.”
It also includes a spoken message. Words like, “I love you and I’m proud of you.”
I’ve had numerous clients say to me, “I know my parents loved me, but they never actually told me.” But gone are the days when a roof over their heads and food on the table was enough (newsflash, it never was).
Our children to need hear and feel that we love them. From mom AND dad. It’s critical.
Just the other day I heard Darren Hardy, author of The Compound Effect, retell the story of inviting his dad to his new home in California. This was his dream home that he had been working toward for years. It overlooked the ocean and entire third floor was an office with a wall of windows.
As they paused and gazed across the open waters, and with a smile on his face he asked, “Well dad, what do you think?” He looked at his dad, who wasn’t even taking in the vista; he was staring 6 feet up, squinting and said, “There’s a water spot up there.” That was the day Hardy decided he would never gain his dads approval and stopped searching for it.
That’s a heartbreaking story and one I’ve heard over and over.
The affects of not receiving the blessing from our parents can be severe. Here is just some of the fallout:
- you search for intimacy but can’t tolerate it even if you find it
- chronic anxiety, depression and emotional and social withdrawal
- anger fuelled by resentment and unforgiveness
- you smother others in an attempt to feel loved and accepted but in the process push them away
- you are driven to be a perfectionist or workaholic with OCD tendencies, deluded into thinking that you don’t need affirmation or acceptance, but secretly seeking it anyway.
So there’s a lot at stake.
And there’s an opportunity.
When it comes to COVID-19 use appropriate precautions to minimize it’s impact. Social distancing is a great place to start.
But when it comes to our children, let’s lean in, let’s get close, and let’s ensure we pass on what they really need.
With positive words of affirmation and with loving physical touch we can infect our kids with confidence, value, security and safety.
Q. How can you pass on the blessing to your child?
Q. How will you lean in rather than stay distanced?
Feeling stuck? Not sure what to do next? Your life not where you want it to be? Life coaching can help. Contact me for a free 45-minute discovery call. Let’s talk.
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