We are all dealing with a new COVID-19 reality which has forced many of us to remain home day after day. For some this may first appear to be a welcomed break but I’m seeing many comments on social media highlighting the stress of living in close proximity with our families 24/7.
In full disclosure, I’m an introvert, an empty nester and I work from home; so basically I live in isolation most of the time. But as I think about the added pressures on families these days, I want to share some (hopefully) helpful observations.
Lessons From an All-Inclusive Vacation
Kathy and I recently celebrated our 30th anniversary by enjoying our first ever all-inclusive tropical vacation; and it struck me that we thoroughly enjoyed almost 2 weeks where we spent virtually every minute together.
So I asked myself why?
There are obvious differences between an all-inclusive vacation and being cooped up in our homes with our children. I get it. The main differences being no responsibilities and nothing to worry about except what and where to eat next.
But you’ve probably enjoyed a family vacation in the past and you were likely together most all the time. What made it so good compared to now?
Kathy and I spent every moment together over two weeks without wanting to see the other come to harm 🙂 so I thought I’d share a few thoughts as to how you might do the same, even in these stressful times.
(1) A Bumpy Start
As I was mainly responsible for the logistics of our trip, I really wanted everything to go smoothly, mostly because I wanted Kathy to have the best possible break. But it didn’t go as smooth as I hoped…not at first.
- We stayed in a Toronto hotel the night before and checkin took over an hour because of a large group that got delayed at the airport.
- The wifi was weak and clunky and by the time I was able to get connected I had missed my window to checkin online
- The hotel was noisy and I couldn’t sleep and I was still looking at the clock at midnight with a 3am wakeup.
- The “valet parking” I’d arranged the next morning was me parking in the lot, carrying our bags to the building and standing outside in -10 temperatures and minus our winter coats left in the car for 15 minutes waiting on the next shuttle.
I know none of you feel sorry for me one bit and I don’t blame you. But the reality is, the best vacation experience we ever had didn’t start as we hoped…there were bumps and unexpected turns. You will have them too (if you haven’t already.)
(2) Everyone Needs to Adjust
Arriving at our resort happened without incident and we were excited to finally be there. But it took us a couple of days to adjust to our new reality. We actually slept a lot more than usual, underestimating how tired we were. We also felt like strangers in a new land. Many of the guests had been there a while and looked like they knew what they were doing all settled in.
Everyone in your home is adjusting to your new reality in their own way too. Some may need some extra sleep. You might even feel out of place in your own home, as odd as that sounds.
By the way, the emotional stress of COVID-19 is exhausting. Give everyone grace and space to adjust.
(3) Find Your Rhythm
After a few days we really felt like we were relaxing and getting into a good routine. The resort had quite a nice gym with tennis courts so we worked out together every other morning then we played tennis right after. Working out was not new to us but the tennis was. I grew up playing but Kathy did not and we’d never played together before. We didn’t keep score, we just tried to extend the rallies as long as possible and had a blast. We got better every day and it was fun trying and enjoying something new too.
Help your family find it’s new rhythm. Maybe you need to relax some typical rules or implement some new ones. Maybe bedtime is extended slightly or breakfast is optional or made together. Maybe limits on screens are agreed on and books are read instead. Maybe board games are dusted off or you’re just sitting outside watching the stars (they were incredible last night).
(4) Enjoy A New Habit
One thing we did every afternoon was walk the beach to the end, then wade into the shallow water and watch thousands of fish swim around us. As simple as it was, that daily experience was something we looked forward to.
In the evenings we would sit in the lounge area and wait for the music to start. It wasn’t always our favorite genre but a nice way to unwind at the end of the day.
Kathy and I just learned a new card game and play it almost every night for about an hour or so. It’s simple and doesn’t cost a thing but we look forward to it…and we’re together.
What are some new habits that you can introduce to your family? Not sure? Why don’t you ask them? You’ll be surprised how much your kids have to offer.
(5) Find Your Space
Yes, Kathy and I spent most of our time together but there were times when we just got alone. Most mornings Kathy got up before me to spend some quiet time on the beach…and some afternoons once the sun was too low to tan, Kathy often went up to the room to have a nap, watch a show or get ready for dinner while I stayed by the pool and listened to music and podcasts.
This might have been 30 minutes…but it was enough time for us.
What can you and your family do to find the space you need from each other?
(6) Want the Best For Them
I really wanted our vacation to be special for Kathy. She works hard running our cafe and we hadn’t had a real vacation since it opened 5 years ago. As we decided where to go I asked her what mattered most to her. Her top three things were pools, food and ocean. Ironically much of what she ate came out of the ocean…me not so much. So we picked a place that offered what she wanted. (Don’t get me wrong, these were fine with me too).
In these stressful times, it’s easy to get more concerned with ourselves than those around us. Just look at all the yahoos emptying store shelves. Don’t be that person. Don’t be a taker. Be considerate and ask what those in your family want and need right now.
Want the best for them even when things aren’t so good.
Hey, I know, 2 weeks at a tropical resort can’t be compared to 2 weeks of isolation in your home; but these 6 observations from an all-inclusive vacation can help you and your family make the best of it, and not kill each other.
Next week I’m going to share why this crisis and isolation might be one of the best things for your family. By then you might really need this.
Hang in there. You’ve got this.
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